In martial arts class yestereve, we were practicing one-step sparring drills [one person throws a punch, the other person blocks, counter-attacks, etc]. Feeling a bit discontent about things, I was tired and hungry from the happenings in my life outside the dojang [school]. As we were going through the one-step sparring drills, I thought to myself what a waste of time and energy they were, and began to think about a more "realistic" way of going through the drills. One idea was that as my partner began to move, I would move against him, not waiting for the full extension of his punch before counterstriking.

As we took turns exchanging roles between aggressor and defender, I began to adapt my reaction to his first movement -- i.e. the step of the foot -- rather than his punch. Using the idea of hitting to the centerline, it seemed to go relatively well. Having continued this for a few turns, I decided to go a bit further and asked my partner to throw his punch from either hand [usually the punch is thrown from the rear hand - the hand farthest from the defender]. My reasoning was that a rear-hand punch takes too long to reach me and gives far more visual cues than I would otherwise have received from, for example, a jab or a backfist.

Although I asked him to throw his punch from either hand, he continued to throw the rear hand. I didn't take much notice of this at the time although hindsight brings clarity to the issue [or further distortion, I suppose]. We continued on for a few more turns, alternating between attack and defense, attack and defense. As our time as partners in the exercise was coming to an end, I suppose my concentration began to dissipate [note my state of diminished physical and mental capacity as described above]; when it came time for me to take the role of defender, I made a small error with relatively large consequences...

Giving "the nod" to my partner that signalled him to attack, I turned to avoid the punch thrown from his right hand and stepped in. While stepping in, I launched my counterattack as follows: step in with right foot, turning with the momentum of the step and send out a right elbow to the jaw. Now, we are taught in this school not to actually make contact with the strikes that we throw. This time, however, my elbow had other intentions. The fleshy "thok!" sound that reverberated from his jaw throughout the immediate area communicated my mistake to his mind and mine. My elbow had contacted his face in the frontal upper jaw region, leaving the imprint of three of his teeth as bruised lacerations on the inside of his left cheek. All things considered, there was more surprise than blood, but after my profuse apologies, he said something that stuck in my mind: "nonono, it's ok... you woke me up."

You woke me up. Of course most of the numerous implications of that statement will live out their entire lives as vague notions in my mind, never anywhere near my wounded "sparring" partner's meaning. I suppose the less exhaustive way of summing up my reaction to his statement is to respond with a question -- my friend, what did I wake you up from?

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'Twas the evening of Samhain, and all through the place were pagans preparing the ritual space.
The candles were set in the corners with care,
in hopes that the Watchtowers soon would be there.
We all had our robes on (as is habitual) and had just settled down and were starting our ritual when out on the porch there arose such a chorus...

That we went to the door, and waiting there for us
were children in costumes of various kinds
with visions of chocolate bright in their minds.
In all of our workings, we'd almost forgot, but we had purchased candy(we'd purchased a LOT),
And so, as they flocked from all over the street,
they all got some chocolate or something else sweet.

We didn't think twice of delaying our rite,
Kids just don't have this much fun every night.
For hours they came, with the time-honored schtick of giving a choice: a treat or a trick.

As is proper, the parents were there for the games, Watching the children and calling their names.

"On Vader, On Leia,
On Dexter and DeeDee,
On Xena, on Buffy,
Casper and Tweety!
To the block of apartments on the neighboring road; You'll get so much candy, you'll have to be TOWED!"

The volume of children eventually dropped,
and as it grew darker, it finally stopped.
But as we prepared to return to our rite,
One child more stepped out of the night.
She couldn't have been more than twelve or
thirteen. Her hair was deep red, and her robe, forest green with a simple gold cord tying off at the waist. She'd a staff in her hand and
a smile on her face. No make-up, nor mask, or accompanying kitsch, so we asked who she was; she replied "I'm a witch. And no, I don't fly
through the sky on my broom; I only use that thing for cleaning my room. My magical powers aren't really that neat, but I won't threaten tricks; I'll just ask for a treat."

We found it refreshing, so we gave incense cones,
A candle, a crystal, a few other stones,
And the rest of the candy (which might fill a van). She turned to her father (a man dressed as Pan) and laughed, "Yes, I know, Dad, it's past
time for bed," and started to leave, but she first turned and said...

"I'm sorry for further delaying your rite.
Blessed Samhain to all, and a magical night."

By Cathor Steincamp

so i ask myself: what happened to october?

i seem to have slept through it.

but dj skribble has been rocking my aureality for the past couple of weeks, so it's not so bad at the moment.

album: essential spring break - summer 2001 - tracks 02,04,05,06,07,15

dot mp3.

I was reading a NY Times book review on The User Illusion, a book that deals with the human perception of reality versus the scientific interpretation of consciousness.

Then I realized something -- Neo in The Matrix was seeing in binary. Which also means that Neo, in real life, must have been an absolute genius. Or was he just seeing objects as they were represented using the concept of binary representation instead of actually seeing every single element in binary?

Binary Enlightenment.

A person would also probably have to spend the vast majority of his life surrounded by machine code in order to form such an intimate understanding of it... but humans generally don't write machine code because it would be incredibly inefficient. I've written some assembly back when I used to dabble in Hex editors and a certain primitive command-line operating system, but I've only written binary in the simplest of ways. If Neo was that incredibly talented, I doubt that he'd be doing something so extremely mundane as anonymously writing code at a software company.

I'm no genius, but I know that working as a suit is one of the lowest forms of life... especially if

a] your job involved infinite repetitions of similar tasks, variable only within the amount of pressure swelling in your head at the moment -- from your "manager" breathing down your neck or the quarterly estimates, projections, blah blah blah;

or

b] you are mildly intelligent and have to spend significant amounts of time explaining what you do to people who are incapable of comprehending except for the occasional "wait... that's not even English!" [right, genius, they call that H-T-M-L...]

alas. I must continue to wait for technosatori. I actually think I'd prefer the plain old meatspace version, to be honest.

Besides, isn't the concept of enlightenment useless if you can control everything around you? If existence is entirely within your grasp to change, reform and destroy at the slightest whim, the ephemerality of the five skandhas dissolves into one big game of binary Logos. Neo, as a human being, would quickly be corrupted by this videogame omniscience and even worse, incredibly bored. At least I know I would. Running isn't nearly as much fun if the tiger giving chase can't really eat you.

I remember the first open-style "ka-ra-tey" tournament that I went to; it was alot of fun although the format was a little different than what I was used to.

One of the more memorable aspects was that every tough-looking guy I walked past grunted this obstreperous "oooos!" at me. Not knowing any better, I would bow slightly, smile and hesitantly say "hi, how's it going?" After a while, however, it seemed kind of strange that people were grunting this guttural sound in my direction.

As I was competing from the perspective of a Korean style at the time, I wondered what all that noise was about. It turns out that "oooos" is an American bastardization of the term "Osu" in Japanese.

An interesting and quite amusing article regarding "oooos!" versus "osu" is here.

hehe. Osu!

So I've been considering a return to the academic pursuit of philosophy....

A couple of years ago, when I was in school for about a year at a private university [before I left due to lack of funds], I had taken an introductory philosophy course. The class was introduced to the standard low-level programming about Western philosophy, looking briefly at Kant, DeCarte, Hume, etc. I wasn't particularly impressed although I had originally taken the course because of an urge to understand this whole "life" idea. Something in my mind has been churning since I was around thirteen years old regarding the nature of things, and I have been unable to steer my interests away from this chafing curiousity. Having rejected the idea of blind, comforting God-worship, I began to look into other ways of understanding "the real".

I have spent considerable time studying Eastern philosophies and religions, focusing particularly on Taoist philosophy [not religion] and Zen. While these studies have led me to a deeper understanding of the philosophical underpinnings of many martial arts disciplines and a general enrichment of personal knowledge, I have also come to realize that although there is a myriad of belief systems that serve to allay fear of death, none of them satisfactorily prove that they have solved the problem of what comes next. Toss a coin, pick a religion, you will be saved if you really really mean it.

Since I seem to have this implacable desire to destroy absolute belief systems and assert rationality over the warm inclusiveness of faith and church, I suppose that I will be stuck with philosophy whether I like it or not. Unless, of course, I succumb to that race for "security" as most people seem to do once they hit twenty-five. Luckily, I have yet to find that perfect wo/man that I can't possibly live without [and right now, I am definitely not interested in the traditional human mating rituals that most people gladly submit to while cursing them under their breath]. Until that happens, I will be looking for, at the very least, a more intelligent approach to human understanding than "praise God, for I have no means of disproving the existence of an absolute power". Unfortunately, without the possibility of disproving its existence, how is it possible to prove that same entity does exist?

A conversation with "the Deist" in my mind:

Deist: just look around you.
Me: Yes, and?

D: [beaming proudly, full of "faith"] these are all manifestations of God's love.
M: I'm sorry, where?
D: Everywhere. Open your heart and it will come to you.
M: Ok, my heart is open... beautiful trees... nourishing oxygen... hey look, there's a bird in that tree over there... so where's God?
D: um, uh. You have to look within yourself.
M: Yes, I've been doing that. So, let's make sure that the big man in the sky really exists. [In a commanding yet plaintive tone] God of all things, or God of the Sky, or God of Nature, or Attendant Spirit of the Trees, manifest your greatness and place an apple in my hand so that I may believe in your Eminent Glory.

[Two full minutes pass. Nothing happens. The Deist shakes his/her head in disapproval of my incredibly skeptical show of curiosity.]

M: Gee. That was fun.

[I walk away unconvinced, enjoying the swishing sound of the leaves against the wind and the faint scent of pine in the air.]

If human understanding is based on the concept of causal relationships, why would I bother myself with this idea of "God that is nowhere, but is everywhere"? A starving man cannot appeal to God for food with any guarantee of success, so why would I trust a myth for "salvation" from demons that are equally fabricated?

And this is just one question that I have...

As long as these questions refuse to leave my mind without imposing limitations on my curiosity and desire for learning, I suppose that it is best to entertain them. Further, I have found many of the understandings that I have reached in my personal studies have been found already. Why not use a systematic approach in order to make this whole process more efficient? And as a side benefit, a major in philosophy can be used as a boost in the pursuit of other disciplines. The cognitive benefits are self-evident -- a friend of mine reminded me one day that philosophy "teaches you how to think".

Sounds good to me.

I seem to have gone temporarily colorblind while creating this layout. but I just found inspiration. again.

simplica, version 2. online.

Lament: ah, petitio prinicipii.

something that i've been thinking about recently...

as i sit here studying for an economics midterm and listening to thievery corporation in my headphones, i realize that much of the personal satisfaction that i derive from life has come from martial arts. nothing new there, but my inquiry goes deeper now, into the motivation that drives the satisfaction itself. i believe that satisfaction, in a large part, is a result of the focused effort that was poured into the creative act.

if a look is taken back to earlier times in history, there were very few of the technological advances that most people take for granted today [in the more "well-developed" countries, anyway]. yet it seems that people managed to content themselves with their relatively meager amounts of material goods and comparatively primitive technologies. i think that this was largely due to the sense of satisfaction that can be gained from everyday accomplishments. such accomplishments could include everything from sewing one's own clothing to raising subsistence livestock and crops.

many of these fundamental aspects of life are being commoditized and compartmentalized in the name of efficiency. as time passes, most people spend approximately three-fourths of their waking lives playing the role of "tool" in a larger economic context. most people are parts of a whole, whether it be as a graphic designer in an advertising agency or a retail clerk at YellowRatBastard. the standard nine-to-five work timeframe allows for very little other than focused attention to the task that the worker-human has been given to fulfill.

the problem: as the economy becomes more efficient at divvying up people's specialties and aptitudes in order to channel them into maximized productivity, there is less need for each individual to take care of the "small things", the responsibilities and necessities that previously characterized human life. want a pizza? call domino's [although i prefer pizza hut]. want a pair of pants? go to [insert store name here]. want to fix just about anything in your house or your life? no, don't do it yourself, call a "professional" or take a pill.

as time passes, everything becomes the exclusive responsibility of a profession, with its attendant experts... less and less of life is enjoyed by creating the result for yourself. the trend increasingly moves toward the enjoyment of life by admiring the handiwork of someone else. television is one of the most pervasive media forms in society today, yet it is also one of the most passive. all too often, i speak to aimless young people whose sole aim is to "life day by day" instead of setting goals and using their creative power to strengthen their resolve toward achieve their dreams. instead, their main form of recreation is shopping, smoking weed, gossip about pop culture, etc. in other words, endless reception rather than creative production. i see that in myself as well, although i have consciously weaned myself off of passive media towards more stimulating outlets of mind and body.

i have seen this trend towards "couch-potato mentality" as an intellectual and physical epidemic in the modern world, and i believe that it has discontent as a key manifestation.

most people spend much of their time receiving the fruits of someone else's labor, but how often do they reap the reward of their own efforts? i would say that this feedback loop is inevitable; if nothing is done that is worthy of elevated self-confidence, that psychological reward is lost. there are actually two cognitive forces at work here:

a. inevitable result -- if action is taken, there is an positive output; likewise, if no action is taken, there is a negative output.

b. if you are not moving forward, you are moving backward -- this can be likened to the atrophy of unused muscle, or the loss of specialized motor skills due to disuse. there is no such thing as happiness just for the sake of it; the question to ask here is how can i make myself happy?

notice that these concepts are quite distinct from the idea of how can i better amuse myself? to be amused by something is to be acted upon by an outside force, whereas to involve oneself in the act of creation is to by immersed in the act itself. the feeling of amusement is dependent upon the external stimulus, thus there is a vacuum created in its absence. the experience is similar to the effect of a sedative or a narcotic -- in other words, without the quick fix, there is a sensation of emptiness, boredom or inadequacy. you are no longer having "fun".

on the other hand, the immersion of the self in the act of creating is something entirely different. any time there is a sense of creation, a feeling of "i did this" or "this act has manifested itself through my creative expression", there is an elevated sense of satisfaction. at the least, my experience has been that of a job well done. at its most satisfying, i feel as if i have come to understand a facet of myself much more deeply than before. in the latter case, i experience a lasting personal fulfillment and a sense of deepened self-understanding. this, to me, is the experience of something real.

it's all about occam's razor -- the concept of focusing one's thinking on the most essential elements, at the same time using a figurative razor to cut away unuseful ideas. and, of course, how to implement that elusive sense of focus.

From here:

Sifu would often say, "Life is like a grindstone: either it wears you down or it will polish you into a fine jewel."

the sig stealer says:

Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forward.

Yet another sign that the world is ending:

today's date is a palindrome!

10.02.2001

10022001

10.02.20.01

1002/2001

it's so scary.... i might jump off a bridge. or something. i wonder what nostradamus has to say about this?

;)

The Price is Worth It

... This reflects the work of a superb propaganda system. The U.S. government finding the mass death of Iraqi children "worth it," the media push the fate of these "unworthy victims" into the black hole, thereby allowing that policy to be continued without impediment. With the United States itself a victim of terrorism, here the reverse process ensues: with these ultra-worthy victims, the media feature their suffering and deaths intensively and are not interested in root causes, but only in "who" did it; they beat the war drums incessantly and push to the forefront the most regressive forces in the country, making violence and repression the probable outcome of their efforts. But they will sell papers, get larger audiences, support the "national interest," and prove to the rightwing that they are real Americans.