i still like mike.

... and i fight more than i love

"i want you," pops up in the IM chat window.

i feel a bit tired upon reading this.

i like men. that's a starting point.

the lack of strained masculinity is refreshing among men wherever i find it. so in general, i like gay men who aren't living the lifestyle; just getting on with their lives.

he fell into that category until recently.

we've been friends for about five years, lost touch for at least three of those. now we talk sporadically, and up until now, we've been flirting a little here and there. i do it because it's fun and gender is not much of an issue for me.

he's about ten years older, a successful corporate "team member", and you would only know that he was gay if you had been around others who weren't absolutely fabulous. so we flirt, and at one point in my life, i was genuinely curious to know what his lifestyle was like. as the fates would have it, however, we never had the chance to get together.

time has passed. i am now fully content to play verbal games with him, but otherwise stay friends. men can be beautiful, but this is rare and not something that i actively search for. and with this fact is the understanding that i see beauty in a man the way some would admire a statue; the aesthetic value doesn't automatically entail a frantic session of leg-humping and marking territory ;)

my sexuality remains undefined. i don't rule out the possibility of finding a man sexually attractive, but also have yet to meet a man who interests me that way. unfortunately, curiosity has put me in a tight spot with this old friend -- he wants more from me than i am willing to give.

yes, flirting without intention can get a person into trouble...

now i know what it feels like to be pursued by a well-meaning, persistent man... and soon i might even get the chance to give the "just want to be friends" speech.

it is flattering, i must admit. and i can't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation.

motion: moon saeng kim . wonderful days