conversation. familiar processes applied to unfamiliar content. virtual clusters of concepts aligned with one another. eventually the clusters tighten around the core complex of experiences from birth to present, originating in an embodied reality of touch and sight. extending, intertwined around one another, certain ideas become more densely connected than others, forming distinct personality traits and eccentricities over time.
there is no such thing as a blank expression: to give nothing in terms of indicated feeling simply begs the viewer to interpret on his own. it is interesting to watch someone squirm just a bit if you give them an even gaze for more than a few seconds; not a stare, rather, nonjudgmental attentiveness. most people seem to go ahead and judge themselves.
musical tastes, preferred communication styles, clothing styles and so on are spun into representations of sacred objects and values. arbitrary... friendship based on shared interests is contrived, empty -- we both like chillout music, so i lend him a CD; suddenly, when i arrive the next day, he chats to me as if we'd known each other for years. my comfort level is unaffected, but suddenly i feel the urge to twist his kindness, as if part of me believes that
he deserves pain and uncertainty. rapport is too easy, it feels like fear dimly sublimated into an artificial closeness.
is this my fear, then? the human animal is capable of reversal at the slightest displeasure; this is my baseline expectation in any encounter. a kind of detachment has become natural, almost as if a secondary dialogue whispers beneath the articulated intonations. deception is a complex game, innervating self-perception as well as interpersonal conversation. and yet it seems that there is something, a precursor to semantic expression, a means of perceiving thoughts as they form. truth value is not an intrinsic element of the thought, but rather a result of the intention that guides the thought into being.
am i becoming conscious of being conscious?
this doesn't make any sense. i suppose it shouldn't.
audio: theorem vs. sutekh . canis