Ontology as a Lifestyle [ ? ]

I've been thinking about how to go about educating myself through the traditional post-secodary school system.

Due to the fact that I can't seem to shake this interest in computer programming and [more recently] interface design, I find myself faced with too many choices and desires:

1. I would like to study either psychology or philosophy to further my understanding of the human mind as it relates to reality. Psychology is scientific where philosophy is abstract. I favor psychology as a discipline, but tend toward philosophy as a more native way of thinking.

2. I would like to study certain aspects of "physical education" in order to understand exactly how the human body moves and the various aspects of what, physicallly, is happening. This is an extension of my interest in martial arts and the desire to know what exactly are the physical ramifications of particular actions. At first I thought I would have to slog through physics to get to this, but recently I have found courses that exactly mirror that which interests me. Enough for a Minor, possibly enough for a Major, in collegiate terms.

3. I would like to study certain aspects of graphic design and visual communication in order to develop an understanding of the human-computer interface. I would apply this in my work as a web designer/programmer and possibly extend even into traditional computer interface development.

4. I would like to study japanese... the language and culture fascinate me. My attempts to learn bits and pieces over the years give me a background as well.

5. I would like to gain an appreciation of theatre and acting. As I said in a conversation with a friend of mine, "psychology to understand the mind, theatre to express yourself." The concept of learning various ways of expressing oneself as an academic endeavor is a very powerful idea to me, and something that I would like to pursue.

And therein lies the problem. If only I could study all of them -- but how to choose only one or two?

Contemplations of a ontological nature overflow into existential crisis at times, making the study of "the human being" something critical to my life and mind.

I can't see myself quitting martial arts in this lifetime, so physical education is very important.

Thus far, the most interesting career ideas have emerged from computer programming and interface design, making that an important area of study.

I will study Japanese. When is the question.


Well, at least I have written down my intentions and desires regarding formal education.
There may be more to come. And of course, the inevitable decision [as soon as possible, but not a moment before].

And a few moments later, I read [although I am unsure of the validity of the quotation]:


"Writing about music is like dancing about architecture."
-Elvis Costello

From naughtybooth.com, the messageboard:

Some guy called "Thewiseguy" wrote

pushing boundaries is so much more than just incorporating one style with another - its been done, and done and done. pushing boundaries is taking what is invariable in said genre and making it a variable. changing the unchanged.

Interesting idea.

I want to create something.

I mean, really create something... not just shift bits for a living... what is that something? I don't know.

Will I find out before it's too late to act on my desires? I don't know. I feel like I'm losing my mind... such a desperate fight against time and space. Only desperate if I feel desperate, though. My desperation is creative. How can I sustain interest in a thing to the point where I will be able to attain mastery of the medium and move on to actual expression?

The learning curve just seems to get longer and longer for everything that I do. Web design, sketching, martial arts, "higher education"... everything... it feels as though everything that I want to do has already been done. Either it has been perfected to the point of scientific mass-reproduction or expanded upon by artistic minds to levels that exceed my ability to perceive. I start to wonder if re-interpretation is all that is left of creativity... am I doomed to a life of mediocrity and regurgitation?

Possibly the real illusion is thinking that I had a grasp on my mind in the first place, or that the idea of "originality" is something more than a new spin on old ideas.

This life is so strange. We live, we die. Existence, nonexistence. Fuck.

In some ways, thinking this way is freeing. I can do anything, and the worst that can happen is that all of the pain will end.

But then, the motivation for things like growth, fighting the socio/psychopathic urges that dwell within every human being, love, "justice"... all of these things become changed. Self-interest becomes a more obvious reason for living. But then, the exploration of self-interest reveals just how connected humans are in their individual/collective struggle.

What happens when a person loses his or her fear of death? Hm.

something that's been on my mind alot recently: homosexuality. genetic? social? I'm curious. curious...

erase and rewind... cuz i'll be changin
my mind...

lol

I can't believe that it was a month ago already that I was wondering what the oh-so-ominous status symbol called "blackbelt" meant.