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just grow up
thinking about maturity, friendship, marraige... and why there is such a predictable pattern to most relationships.
it seems that to 'grow up' means, more than anything else, preparing for childbirth and the ensuing responsibilities.
as a boy grows older, it is impressed upon him by society that, at a certain age, it is alright to pretend that he is rebellious and strange. at a later point, society tells him to look for a woman and develop a pair-bond with her for a tiring and hectic, but strangely rewarding life of marraige and children.
at about the same time that the boy decides to settle down with that [inevitably] unique and special lady, he also begins to sterilize his lifestyle and shed much of the unfashionable, unpresentable aspects of himself in an attempt to fulfill his new role as mature adult. this has nothing to do with his actual self-understanding; rather, it is the triumph of the masculine pose as he relates to the expectations placed upon him by the outside social world. the female has her own parallel metamorphosis to undertake as well, most often in the subordinate position of mother, caretaker, nurturer, the one who the man swears to protect against all the world's myriad evils. the man takes up his metaphorical sword and shield and figuratively thumps his chest, marking his territory and resolving to defend it jealously, as any self-respecting man should do -- a real lady expects nothing less from her man, her fearless knight in shining armor.
why would the majority of young people willingly strip away their sense of differentness and inidividuation in a surging collective rush toward banality and the inflexible rigidity of intellectual old age? one reason may be the preparation for providing a role model for the child that is soon to become a dependent part of his/her life.
take out the piercings, cover the tattoos, remove or suppress all aspects of the personality that can be perceived as offensive or somehow not exemplary and child imitation-worthy.
along with the idea of denying oneself for the sake of the child is the idea of stability on another level: the financial. it seems necessary for the man to be financially stable in order to provide the monetary security needed by his family. this requires that he already have a sense of direction in his professional life. since professional pursuits consume much of his waking lifetime, he must also be well settled in terms of his general direction outside of work as well, for lack of time to pursue new interests in meaningful depth.
a person is only "grown" when he or she is no longer calibrating his/her internal compass; angst and the inherent destabilization of evolving character traits are no longer acceptable as modes of expression, in large part due to the fact that an immature or "incomplete" personality cannot perform the necessary parental duties as part of the support structure for the growing child.
the question that i see, then, lies within two levels, personal and professional:
personal - how many individuals truly learn the limitations and potential of their own personalities before feeling the pressure to "grow up" or become suitable role models-- reflections of society's so-called virtues?
professional - how many individuals find the interests and spheres of influence in which they feel most comfortable and, dare i say, inspired? how many actually find their own professional world rather than bowing to the pressure to conform to the so-called "adult" world of business and the apparently almighty dollar?
can this self-denial be used as a weapon in society to force the conformance of the individual to self-repressive norms and roles, even without the explicit impetus of impending familial responsibilities?
example: an artistically/creatively inclined person is scorned for such individualistic leanings and is coerced by those who "know better" into an ill-suited life of shuffling papers and meeting administrative deadlines. such childish desires are best left in art class, young person: we have more important things to do.
thus the stigma is attached and the machinistic corporate lifestyle/culture is advanced. these values are internalized over time and passed on as acculturated norms, thereby creating a largely unconscious ideological process that has the potential to indoctrinate whole generations. such internalization silently informs those values that are deemed "normal" and socially acceptable to the exclusion of alternatives, even to the extent that alternatives do not seem to exist, or are dismissed out of hand. financial incentives and the appearance of security, real or [all too often] illusory, provide empirical verification of the "truth" provided by such forced normalization. who will argue against a paycheck, particularly with the promise of more on the way as a reward for good, i.e. productive, behaviour?
then of course, the flipside of the equation lies with those people who decide either not to marry or who remain childless -- are they not fully "adults" in the sense they have few obligations beyond their own immediate needs?
all of this implies that for most people, the apparent soul-searching and rebellion during their youth amounts to virtually nothing as far as their actions later in life are concerned. almost everyone eventually succumbs to the evolutionary, sociobiological predetermination of the reproductive cycle.
at first, it seems strange to think this way, but of all of the people that i know who fit the stereotypical 'rebel' image, most of the older ones spend a couple of years whining about 'getting old' and 'becoming their parents', and then they go ahead and play those roles, right on time and exactly as expected.
rebellion, then, seems to be a transitory phase to be grown out of... but if that is the case, what is the point of proclaiming your individuality at all -- particularly if at some level, you know that it is all just another societally mandated shell to eventually be discarded and forgotten?
is it possible, through the ruthless scrutiny of social norms and continual self-examination, to find a different path and become something else entirely?
i wonder.
audio: shakkazombie feat. lunch time speax . 4747
